Unorthodox,Candid and Straight Forward

Arranged Marriage Strikes Again!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Manish) — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 20:51:00 +0000

Every where i look these days, everything i hear these days and everything i smell these days is about weddings. The number of people who i know, who are getting married in the next 2 years is more than i knew of in the last 27 years:) Crazy

Now since i am back home - in the land of arranged marriages, it's my turn - well so says my mom at least.

I came on Sunday and after the initial phase my mom managed to find an appropriate time and popped in the million dollar question - " When will you marry?" Finished your studies, landed a job, and settled down. Like most other guys, marrying should be the next thing on your agenda.

The problem is not that my mom tells me so because i can make her understand. the problem
is the "concerned" relatives and neighbors for whom its more of an issue - and i also don't know why that is.

One of my best friends today put this in the best way possible and i agree. a vast majority of men(id say 80%) in India do not get to have sex before marriage - so sometimes they are so desperate for it that they just agree to marry - A legal license to have sex in India. this actually might be true as funny as it may sound.

But thats not the only reason - the pressure is tremendous from all fronts and its even more difficult for girls. a lot of my friends who are girls would want to keep studying to delay the inevitable.

Read more abut arranged marriages here

When i was young..lets say 10 years back, i used to think that this custom will die out with time. but there are no signs of that, in fact with the advances in social networking it has become a huge business.More "matches" are happening online than off line these days.

So i guess its my turn now:)

The Art of Moving On

noreply@blogger.com (Manish) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 20:45:00 +0000

Sometimes life has the habit of kicking us in the teeth, perhaps through no fault of our own.We have two options to dealing with what life throws at us and these are to give up and go into depression or to accept whatever happens in life and then move on with our lives, if we make the right choice then we grieve of course, then pick ourselves up and move on with our life.

"This is it. its time to move on". How many times have i heard this before - yet, every time i am thrown in this situation, its like its happening for the first time

Whenever i move on from a place - its always a bit hard, like now. Moving on from my house, from the locality, from the tube station, from job, from the shopkeeper that is always shouting, from the bus that is always crowded, from the lunch that is always quick, from the Tuesday evening drinks which never start on time, from the pub full of drunk people,and most importantly moving on from friends who i have spent so much time with and whom i might not see again.

I try many things when such things happen, whether they are setbacks in life or moving on from places and from friends. i try to stay calm and composed, i try to stay objective and rational, i try to separate my emotions from reality, i try to show i am very strong and can handle the situation without any problems and i even try reverse psychology (e.g. oh! i didn't want/like it anyways:))

I still havent devised a sure shot formula to come out of the situation, but one thing i know for sure that there are some things i will never move on from. Those are the things which i will keep with me on my life journey and invariably they will be people,not things or places.Moving on is moving forward for many ,but i do think that i dont need to leave some important things behind to move forward.

So here's to all friends and one other person - i will not move on from you:)

The importance of colour and music in an Indians life!!

noreply@blogger.com (Manish) — Mon, 26 May 2008 16:55:00 +0000

A lot of times people ask me, why do you have so many songs in Bollywood movies. I actually never thought about it while i was in India, but now having lived in Europe for a while i kind of understand where people are coming from. I mean there you are in the climax of a movie - and the next thing you know is the actors dancing and singing in swiss alps and then Egyptian pyramids... bizzare eh

but then there is a logical explanation to that.

Indians are emotional by nature and songs and music play a big part in our lives.

A song is a way to express emotions.. just like a musical. if you look carefully at the movies - there are songs which represent emotions of characters. they sing when they are sad, they sing when they are happy or even when they are angry and people relate to the situation so much
more when it is expressed with music.and thats why the songs of movies in India are released one month before the release of the movie and any movie which has good songs will get a really good opening.

Regarding the famous Bollywood dance sequences - much like we used to do in AIESEC - Line Dancing:) which might look funny but again are integral part of our culture - when the music comes, dancing comes naturally. Bollywood has become an integral part of Brand India - and i would stand by it, at least it makes us different:)

Now about the exotic locations switching even before you can blink your eyes:) the reason is again simple. For a large part of our population... going to watch cinema is an emotional experience,its more like an event - as thats the time they can just go sit in a theater, forget about their worries, forget how poor they are- and experience a different world. i know there are flip sides to it..but a lot of them will never travel abroad to actually see swiss alps or pyramids in their lives.. so this is what they look forward to.

Like Songs and Music.. colors also add a lot to an Indians life. we have a whole festival to celebrate colors - its called Holi - the idea being, when you are colored you don't know who is black, who is white or what caste/creed/race they belong to.. everyone looks same. if you have been to India, you would have noticed people wearing colorful clothes..not like Europe where anything beyond grey, black and white is almost rebellious. I would be happy to wear an orange shirt for office.. here in Europe, they would question that:)

Colors make people happy and cheerful.. maybe thats the reason why people smile so much in India.

I miss India - i miss the chaos and the countless flavors which she gives constantly.
but dont expect all Indians to be good singers and know all the bollywood steps:) that would be taking it to the extreme..

I am also emotional:) let me express my thoughts right now through a song then...

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

Eternal sunshine of searching mind!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Manish) — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 16:01:00 +0000

"I see in the distance before me,
A picture worthy to behold,
Painted in colors of such beauty,
In colors yet untold"

yeah,i know,but i am quite reflective these days.
It's just one of those stages in life. Just before I fall asleep, I begin shaking my leg, rocking myself to sleep in a sense. I am not alone in this. Some people say their reasons are to rock themselves to sleep, others want to tire themselves out. Me? I just want to prove to myself I'm still awake enough. Next thing I know I am opening my eyes to the sound of my alarm going off.

I wanna shout out loud and go to far off places - as i feel the time has come to change some of the things, and some of the way i do some things or maybe i wanna do the same things, but differently - both personally and professionally. sometimes i just go and sit at St. Paul's Cathedral, god its so peaceful there.

What I remember about my childhood, what speaks to me now when I think of what it means to be a child, is the time that I spent in quiet reflection or discovery. Running through a field, playing cricket, sitting at the top of my house I just climbed, discovering snakes and frogs or even playing with fire. i had no fear at all. i want the spirit back.

From the very beginning we are cautioned about looking back. "Don’t look down; Don’t look back! Keep your eyes on the top." Paradoxically, climbing the multi-stories of life is also a lot about looking back, and i do wanna look back at a lot of things I've missed/lost/could have done better along the way or even admire a lot of things: When we have struggled our way to the top we turn to admire the view. Down through time, peering down our chosen paths.My housemate and a very close friend always tells me - to go fast you need to slow down. i exactly know what he means..

I’m making a choice here, because everything is a choice, we are where we are today because of the choices we made, and I want to continue growing, physically, mentally and spiritually.

i am working on it..

The evils of HR!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Manish) — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 17:46:00 +0000

Thought id write about something which i have come very close to and become very passionate about in the last years. Human resources as a field happened to me by chance when i worked in AIESEC. it was more of an interest rather then a huge academic background which drew me towards it and now i am really into it.

No matter what industry you work in, big or small, you will always encounter HR.

HR as an idea is in a transitionary phase from purely an admin department - doing things like payroll, employee records etc etc to being more strategic - thought provoking, adding value and reducing costs.

In the last years i have met many people who have 'seen it all', when it comes to HR and are completely aware of all the 'evils' HR brings. There arguments being:

Human resources is a management term that should strike fear into the heart of every self-respecting entrepreneur.
HR does not have a clue what the business does - they come at 9, leave at 5 and to be honest we also don't have a clue what they do in that time
HR could and should be outsourced
what value does it create anyways?
HR is like many parts of modern businesses: a simple expense, and a burden on the backs of the productive workers.They don’t sell or produce: they consume.
HR is a self rewarding department - as a good friend of mine puts it

Read more about the "evils" of HR here:)

Thats certainly one way of looking at it and i can already picture some of you, nodding your heads in affirmation of the above comments and yes you actually might be right because of three things:

Thats how HR is in your company
You have no clue what effective hr can bring
You are just not interested in this area

so basically you are ignorant:)

I have come to think of it a little differently. its a matter of point of view and how you position things and what the ultimate objective is.

When i was in AIESEC, the typical profile of a HR person was that he/she should be a people's person, reason being - if they are in HR they have to make people happy -> whatever the fuck that means:)
Not just in AIESEC you could come across companies where this is the case

In my opinion, its how you position the HR department,what makes the difference.of course HR will have an admin side to it, because you need someone to do it, though what i am more interested in is the strategic side of it. i believe:

If HR does not force its way into the heart of strategic planning in organizations, it will default to a technical and transactional dead end.
HR professionals should apply human capital data and information – on par with what the CFO would expect in Finance – to drive business decisions.
The 'elusive' Data: Without accurate and reliable human capital data and information, strategic HR professionals cannot make fact based decisions that provide insights to their business.
The people who work in HR: In a lot of cases the HR people, hands down,are the biggest challenge. They like what they are doing(doing some data entry here and there, always smiling etc etc) but they don't like numbers. They don't like seeing the organization as their client…They aren't open to change…and they aren't very analytical.
HR has to have key performance indicators and clear goals to meet - either it should Add Value to the business or reduce costs for the business
HR has to work on its image - its clearly very bad:)

Whatever said and done - i do think that the time for HR has come, with so much shortage of talent only effective HR strategies can make the company go forward...

Indians - Hypocrisy at its best!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Manish) — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 13:26:00 +0000

Whenever i go back to India, it throws my life into rather harsh perspective.

On one hand living in the comforting and convenient life which Europe offers is good but on the other seeing the misery of the 'have-nots' in India is very disheartening.so much for the talks of India developing and incredible India, it doesn't show for a lot of people. India is developing, but there is so much which is left to be desired.

What i want to write about though is not the misery, but how in my opinion Indians are topping the charts in hypocrisies. if there was a hypocrisy index, we certainly would be numero uno.

1. before i moved to Europe, i heard a lot about racism here, and how the world is racist against 'brown skin'. fair enough, i have experienced it here. But looking back at my own country... it gives us no right to cry foul, as we are racist too

- The Caste System which is very much existent today is the biggest example of this.
- People from one state are racist against people in other states. recently in Maharastra, a certain gentleman launched a campaign to drive all north Indians from the state
- we love white people... white is always right, and thus we go to every extent to make sure when we advertise weddings, we clearly specify "looking for a fair person"
- we are extremely racist against Africans and Asians in India. Even within India - the north east state of India which is near the china border is still technically not integrated into India, not because they don't want to but because we see them as 'Chinese' owning to their eye shapes and color

2. Most Indians would give an impression that they are very patriotic. we are, but for a lot of us this is superficial. for instance, we hate speaking our own language - Hindi, and thats because speaking in English is so much more cooler. its unbelievable how many Indians these days cannot speak and /or understand Hindi.

3. In Europe we love to be clean and not litter, but the same people, when in India, don't bother at all using the bin. we will say thank you for everything here... but would not do so in India, even for the cheap/free service available.

4. Whenever an Indian sees other Indian at the airport, or in another country, the first reaction is not to smile but "How the hell did you reach here" or "they must be a Punjabi". its a reaction of competition. Indians behave more sophisticated at the airport than they actually are.and yes they will never speak to you in Hindi.

5. At the airport in India, the immigration officer asked me, "so what is your qualification" and i said MBA, and he seemingly looked satisfied, then i said i am kidding, i have a masters in economics, and that was followed with a 10 minute Q&A round. his point was "how can you work abroad without an MBA..."

6.Indians who have been abroad, or live abroad, upon coming back start disliking India. its dirty, its smelly, bad traffic etc. question to be asked... what have they done to change it?

7. Working as a little shop owner in India is uncool, but in england.. most corner shops are owned by Indians and the same people when they go back to India pretend as if they are in diamond trade. pound rules but its still the same job.

8. Often in India, people talk about how culturally rich/religious and India is. but we don't really care for it too much, it is just to defend the country and show how proud we are as Indians. An Eiffel tower is always cooler than Qutub Minar, a random fort in UK is always better than 5000 year old gems in India...

I can go on, the list is endless. India is a great country, but greatness lies in appreciating what we have and valuing it, and sometimes i feel we are loosing that touch.

Berlin Wall?

noreply@blogger.com (Manish) — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 16:08:00 +0000

At least 50,000 people, according to the ministry, have poured from Gaza into Egypt to buy food and fuel after Palestinians blew holes in the border wall.

2008

The fall of the Berlin wall paved the way for German Unification

1990

each picture tells a story...

It's all about Money, Honey!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Manish) — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 15:34:00 +0000

Money is not the most important thing in life, there are far too many important things - many of us would say including me.

But are we sure? Isn't it what everyone is working for/aiming for/looking for/smiling far/crying for? its a debatable topic

When i came to London, an acquaintance of mine tried desperately hard to get me into multilevel marketing - Amway(sure you have heard that before).well nothing wrong with getting some extra bucks, but i am not so much moved by the idea of selling household items and moreover i hate using my friends, just because i want to make money.

None the less i went to attend one conference of Amway which the guy said was 'essential' to get into the right mindset. After the speeches, he took me to his 'mentor' who asked me "what would you like to do if you had lots of money, what dreams would you wanna fulfill". Now till
that point in my life, i had never been asked that question/never thought about it like that. i mean i never equated my dreams with lots of money.i told him "well i have never really thought about it like that" and he said "The time has come" almost like God showing me the way to enlightenment. I never went to Amway again...

Money doesn't buy you family: Agreed, but you need to to maintain/support your family - for all there needs
Money doesn't make you smart: Agreed, but you need money to get knowledgeable, unless you think you can graduate using wikipedia
Money doesn't buy you love: Agreed, but when you are in love, you need money. don't we all want to live in a nice house? give our children good education, go out etc etc
Money doesn't buy happiness: Agreed, but aren't we all more happy when we have a money in our pockets?

In fact when you look at it, in our daily live we talk more about money than anything else... even the best news stories are money related..stock markets, investment banking, mergers and acquisitions etc. even the sports pages talk about money - which club sold which player...

If i talk about me. Yes i cannot have fun in London if i didn't have money, i couldn't travel if i did not have money...etc etc etc

When people earn money and become quite self sufficient, you can see how people start to respect them more...and start listening to them.so then why do we always say... money is not the most important thing in life.

There are somethings in life money cant buy, for everything else there is.... and these some thing's are becoming less and less

'Err'anged Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Manish) — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 14:40:00 +0000

An incredible concept and makes me always go "woo". Agreed, in societies(like India) where 'dating', singles bars do not exist, arranged marriages perform a very similar function, as they bring together 2 people who otherwise might not have met.

But at what cost?

What about compatibility between the 2- How can 2 people who have just met make a decision(or someone else make decision for them) to live forever?

What about choice? The father of a friend of mine told him - the girl we will find for you should be tall, fair,beautiful, well educated, from the same caste and should be from Delhi. SO much for
choice eh - my friend had a maximum 30 women from the whole wide world to choose from and yes he succumbed to the pressure.

What about freedom? what if the person you are going to be with doesn't like the fact that you drink, or smoke, or go out too much? we all know that liking someone and living together with that person are two different things, small things start to irritate you.

A fact which most Indians at least will tell you is that arranged marriages have very low divorce rates - its true as neither the man nor the woman knows quite what to expect, and there is a lot of understandable trepidation on both sides. However, this often works out well because things turn out to be better than expected.- But is that really so? isn't it just a big compromise.

here is an advert of a matrimonial site: "It's about getting married. Click here! Try it! "

OMG

Almost all the people in my family are arranged married, apart from a few who were considered as rebels and even now if the topic comes, some people make there feelings pretty clear about what they think of it.

While growing up in this environment i have come to accept this fact, i still d not think i understand it completely . i still feel in arranged marriages a girl is often "advertised", and funny enough even if the guy is average looking, he wants "beyonce" to be his wife..its been a vary debatable topic and i have had many a conversation about it with many people. At some point i thought arranged marriages will slowly die down, but on the contrary they have gained in popularity. so many "matrimonial websites" in India minting millions is a proof of that.

I am in India next month and i know i will get some 'proposals', though i have instructed my mother not to indulge in all this, but its not so much her thing but the 'caring' relatives that influence her.sure enough my market value since i am a 'foreign return' has quadrupled now.

God save me.

Herd Mentality

noreply@blogger.com (Manish) — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 11:46:00 +0000

Sometimes i wonder - Why we do what we do. i know its human nature and all that, but there are times when i have seen people joining the bandwagon for the sake of it, without any real interest or ability.

Someone told me - i want to work in banking, i asked why.. her reply was "i think i like wealth Management".when i asked her to explain me her understanding of wealth Management,sure she had little idea. Now i don't know if the term wealth management sounds "cool" or was it a real interest. i remember, many years back i thought i will be a software engineer because it sounds so cool to be one.

Just recently i met someone, who was telling me how much they love the idea of sustainable development(well, we all do) and that they would surely work in this area.again they didn't know what exactly they wanna do - Maybe because its cool to work in SD? or an AIESECer who doesn't work in SD, is not cool? or was it because everyone else around them was doing it? - Reality is that they are not even sustainable in there daily actions(recycling etc), wonder how they will save the world... but then again, they would chirp every time i meet them..."do you know of any jobs in SD?"

Some of you might disagree, but for me this is a fact. Topics like SD or even diversity are relevant topics, but we need hard committed people who can make a difference, not ones who love to talk about it because its so easy(and cool) to talk about it(i mean, hello, everyone can talk about it because if you say "lets save the environment", you wont find many sane people who would disagree), question is 'how' - we don't need people who are concerned about things when its convenient for them and rest of the times it does not matter too much.

Question is how we would do it? - A good friend of mine works in sustainable development in Romania, and she knows about the topic and clearly is not there just because she thinks its cool, and is making a big difference - reason is simple. she didn't choose it for anyone, but for herself.

My father still wants me to do an MBA,when i ask why, he says(almost shockingly) "because everyone is doing it, daaa". Now saying that, i might still do it but i often wonder why. why can i only be successful if i had an MBA, how is it that a degree holds more value that actual work experiences in business situations? do i just want to follow the crowd? or is it because an MBA would add to my "CV" and get me a higher salary?

Here is an extract from a book - "Business schools teach the wrong people the wrong things the wrong ways for the wrong reasons.MBAs are impatient people who want to leapfrog others and run things. Business schools operate on the presumption that management is a science and that an MBA grad is a professional. Management is not a science. A science involves the pursuit of knowledge. Managers do not pursue knowledge. They have a completely different function." - i think its so true

MBAs generally gravitate to such fields as investment banking and consulting.Now think of a lot of people you know who have done MBAs and have recently moved into jobs, what are they doing? - either they are analysts or they are consultants. These areas provide ample occasion for the MBA to apply what business school teaches: analysis and presentation but they do not provide much opportunity for real, hands-on, management.

Saying all this - i think i still do some things because of peer pressure, or because everyone else is doing them - perhaps joining the bandwagon.maybe its human nature...

Smokers Psychology

noreply@blogger.com (Manish) — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 13:09:00 +0000

After an active career in smoking for the last 4 years and now finally quitting(still early days),talking to many who smoke i saw a whole different side of things.

Ask almost any current smoker why they continue to indulge in such a dangerous activity and they will normally reply, "Because I like smoking." - The truth is that most do not smoke because they enjoy smoking, rather they smoke because they do not enjoy not smoking.

Many Smokers believe they continue to smoke because of their self-destructive attitude. They actually want to get sick. Some say they are afraid of reaching old age - Again most make these statements to hide their fears of not being able to give up cigarette smoking.

Classics - Some say they smoke because they are nervous. Others say they smoke to celebrate. Some think they smoke for energy. Many smoke to look sexy. Yet others smoke to stay awake or to sleep. Some think they smoke to think. the list goes on... Excuses:)

The trust remains and ask any smoker about it, bet my life they wont say it but they smoke cigarettes because they are smokers. More precisely, smokers smoke cigarettes because they are smoke-a-holics and thats the simple answer to it.

i have used the above excuses so many times:) and can already see some of you nodding your heads.but the truth as well is that i have made a lot of good friends while smoking/because both of us smoked.

lets see how long i can manage this

Coming a full circle

noreply@blogger.com (Manish) — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 14:07:00 +0000

Its a strange thing. i always thought i will never have a blog, because i believed and to some extent still do that "blogging is so much self advertising". There are just far too many people out there who blabber on their blog about their mundane daily routines which no one else is interested in or they fabricate things which they know other people would like to read(gossip..)/the kind of image they want other people to have about them etc etc

But then there are people who do make blogging a different and rightful thought and taking a cue from them i start my blogging journey:)